Not Easy To Understand
by Stay Strong
Summary: This story gravitates around Bella, her past, her reasons to be who she is and, most important, if she will understand or not that the incident that changed her family, herself, and the reason why they had to move isn't her fault. Edward tries to make her understand she is good enough, but will love be enough to heal her wounds? AH, EXB, AU.


**Hello, I hope you like this new story of mine. As English is not my first language try not to be so hard. I know my writing isn't exactly amazing, but i love doing it and this site is free! And i accept any review, the ones i like the most are constructive ones, of course i love hearing someone say that they like my story; but that won't help me improve it, I accept review in which you tell me you don't like my story; those get me down to Earth, but i don't accept flames, so save your time. Thanks for reading, please review and enjoy! :)**

**DISCLAIMER- I don't own anything, except Jenna.**

Chapter 1: Jar of hearts

I struggled with the two suitcases my tiny frame couldn't hold as i made my way to the building that from now on would be my home.

''Dad! Hurry up and help me with the door!''I yelled. Dad looked up from his light gray Mercedes' trunk, where he was helping mom with their own things. Just as the purple duffel bag that I somehow manages to fit under my arm started to slip away my dad arrived and caught it.

''Thanks'' I sighed relieved, my laptop was in there ''S'okay Bells'' he answered and helped me bring my things to my new room; he left shortly after to go help mom once again. My room was gigantic, vintage designed, it was amazing. All the walls were white and had nice red and light violet flowers in random spots, mom has told me she left the walls that way so I could write phrases on them. On the left wall were two doors, which I supposed led to the bathroom and walk in closet. On the right wall was a light pink vanity, aside was a white steel couch, it's cushions had covers made in patchwork, in light blue, light pink, and baby yellow shades. In the middle of the room was a four post bed with millions of red and white cushions.

I threw my bags on the floor and jumped on the fluffy bed. I sighed and closed my eyes, to open them quickly when images of her, _dead,_ before my eyes appeared. i just couldn't stand it.

''Bella! Dinner's ready!'' Mom shouted, her sweet voice floating through the staircase and entering my room.

''Coming!'' i yelled back, i hurriedly took my picture of Emma and put it on my nightstand; i kissed her forehead and ran downstairs.

''What are we eating?'' i asked as mom put three glasses on the table. _It would be three if i hadn't been so stupid._ i quickly shook those thoughts away. Mom just nodded towards the oven so i peeked through its foggy glass. Mashed potatoes and steak.

''Sweetie, would you go look for your dad?''She asked me i nodded. i ran to the living room where i knew my dad was, the T.V volume giving him away.

''Dad, dinner's ready'' i informed him, he looked up from the screen and flashed me a smile and small nod. I took that as my cue to leave, he would come when the game was finished.

Dinner was nice enough, we talked about what projects we wanted to start this year, we agreed that tomorrow we would unpack as it was late, mom promised me she would give me tomorrow the black paint to write the phrases on my walls, i already knew which one was going to be first. It wasn't exactly a phrase, but i didn't care. When we finished dinner i helped mom cleaning the table, she gave me a goodnight's kiss on my forehead, and dad shouted his goodnights' from the living room. I dragged my feet to my bed, i was exhausted after spending half of the day traveling. I changed myself into my pajamas for what would surely be another sleep-deprivated night. After hours of tossing around i finally could fall asleep.

_''Hi, Jacob, how was your mom? i'm sorry i couldn't go babe, Jenna had a concert she's been waiting for for years and wouldn't let me miss it'' i said as i continued washing away the dirt of the lettuce. When i finished i put it aside and turned around to look at my boyfriend, my hands on the counter top._

_What i saw was surely not what i was expecting, his pupils were dilated and he had a far away lok on his face, he was drugged._

_''Jacob what happened?'' i said as i slowly stepped closer to him. I should have been afraid, but i loved him too much to ever be afraid of him. How foolish and naive i was._

_Suddenly my dream turned into a nightmare as Jenna stepped into the house, her face flushed from the chilly night outside. Out of thin air, Jacob had a gun. _

_He then proceeded to shoot her._

I screamed. Mom and dad entered the room, not surprised, they had come accustomed at me waking up screaming, sweating and crying over the last eight months. Mom sat down beside me and hugged me, silently telling me it was okay, while dad sat behind us both, embracing us with his strong, warm arms.

I woke up to a gray-ish light coming from my window, what else could be expected from Forks? My parents were at my sides, with their arms around me. I was so comfortable, feeling safe, the kind of safe only your parents could give you.

''Mom, dad, wake up, sleepy heads!'' i murmured softly, my voice raspy from being asleep. they didn't wake up, i rolled my eyes and somehow sneaked out of my room without waking them up. I went downstairs and started with breakfast.

Sunday passed in a blur, after mom and dad woke up we ate breakfast and started unpacking at midday we had some sandwiches and the truck with our furniture arrived, so we spent the whole day unpacking. At the end of the day mom gave me the black paint, and i painted in a delicate, beautiful cursive my first sentence. _I miss you_. When i was finished mom looked at me with tears in her eyes. And that was pretty much it.

In the morning i woke up early and prepared myself for school, i put some light make up on threw my curly hair into a tidy ponytail and dressed with 3 inches red heels, white jeans, and a red halter top. I ate breakfast with my parents, and drove myself on my beloved light green convertible Ferrari, with the roof on; as it wouldn't be wise having my car uncovered in the rainiest state.

And here i am now, with my head on the steering wheel, listening to the radio.

_I know i can't take one more step towards you_

_Cuase all that's waiting is regret_

_And don't you know i'm not your ghost anymore_

_You lost the love i loved the most._

I quickly turned the radio off. I was in a bad enough mood and that song would only worsen it.

**Did you like it? please review, it only takes 30 seconds! The nightmare she had isn't what happened exactly to her.**

**/StayStrong/**


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